I’ve officiated seven weddings for friends & family. The process takes about 30 - 50 hours over six months. I find it is time well spent. Below you’ll find links to the seven scripts I’ve written, followed by an overview of how I write them. Broadly, I try to fill three roles:
📣 Storyteller. Speak for and narrate love.
🙌 Group facilitator. Seek guest support.
🏗️ Product manager. Ceremony & script.
General outline:
👋 Welcome. Hello, phones off please.
💙 In absence. Those passed or absent.
📍 Native Land. We’re visitors.
🧵 Stories. Bride and groom full bio.
🤝 How they met. The origin story.
🪴 Growth. Dates, trips, and key moments.
💍 Proposal. When, how, and why.
🎍 Meaning. What it is to them.
👪 Team. Family, friends, & bridal party.
💑 Rings. Quiet moment (e.g., a poem).
📃 Vows. Repeat, “I do”, or their own.
💁 Pronouncement. Introduce as a couple.
John & Morgana (2015)
Ceremony at Runnymede Sculpture Farm.
Dr. Seuss wrote: “We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love.” That's an apt description for John and Morgana: their shared curiosity, weirdness, and love obviously just plain worked.
Dan & Alli (2019)
A ceremony at 250 Long Pond.
The glass symbolizes the clarity of your love for each other. You shatter separate lives and begin anew together. Cherish each other with the respect the love of your life deserves. As Dan breaks the glass, I invite everyone to shout ‘Mazel Tov’, which means Congratulations and Good Luck in Hebrew.
Natalie & Danny (2019)
Swedenborgian Church Wedding in The Cut.
A Mary Oliver line captures their relationship: “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” And appropriately, Danny and Natalie have a variety of animal metaphors for their relationship. For example, one study showed that a Cheetah calmed down when paired with a lab. I’ll let you guess who is who. But it’s all ways of telling the same story: they are better together.
Ben & Claire (2021)
A ceremony at San Ysidro Ranch.
I could tell that Ben was quite interested when he made guacamole with 12 avocados. When Ben was in the kitchen I asked Claire what her favorite thing about Ben was. Without hesitation she pointed to the traits I’ve always loved in him: he is a kind, genuinely good person, caring, and just a quality human. I was sold.
Andrea & Evan (2022)
A wedding at The Howey Mansion.
They are down for everything and adapted the “When in Rome…” phrase and mentality about local acclimation to “Gotta do it.” They apply it aptly when trying snails at a night market in Marraketch, riding an ostrich in South Africa, or opting for the bottle of wine at a Portuguese Tasca.
Matt & Courtney (2022)
A ceremony at the Mankin Mansion.
Family is deeply important to them both. My cousin Matt opened up about his in a way that let her see the special in him. For Courtney, ten minutes into dinner she knew he was going to be her boyfriend. When Courtney wants something, she pursues and gets it. And here we are.
Bo & Sherry (2022)
A wedding at Park Winters.
Because of their similarities and care they support, balance, and teach one another in an extraordinary way. For example, Sherry presents as organized and composed, though internally can feel anxious or chaotic. Bo can present as a bit chaotic, but internally is positive and grounded. This balance offers a lifelong opportunity to be an excellent team.
Process Overview
The couple is the primary client. I follow their guidance and vision. I interview them first. I take notes as we talk. I send them this page before and ask them to review these questions:
Why are you named what you are?
Please sketch your childhood, passions, beliefs, life history, and key moments/
When and how did you first connect?
Where were your first impressions when you connected and met?
When and how did you each know you wanted to date?
When and how did you decide to date and be official partners?
Why do you think you work well together?
What challenges do you face and how do you work through them?
When did you each first know you wanted to get married?
When did you all decide to get married?
How have you grown in individual and / or couples therapy?
What does a marriage mean to you?
What do you love about your partner?
What do others love about your partner?
What is your wedding and ceremony vision?
Who is in your wedding party, how do you know them, and why are they important?
How do you want to to be introduced (i.e., Mr. and Mrs. such and such)?
Authors, books, or poems to quote?
Spiritual, cultural, familial, or religious ceremonies or themes to incorporate?
What feeling or belief would you like participants to have after the ceremony?
First draft. Afterwards I organize the content. I write a topic sentence that summarizes each paragraph before I write it. I then fill in the text for a draft of two or three pages. I request of the couple that our ceremony be the only item on the agenda. Poems, songs, and readings tend to interfere with the flow, go long, and work better at the rehearsal dinner or reception.
Collaboration. I send a Google Doc to the couple with questions and @mentions. I ask them to write autobiographical sections, make a spreadsheet with two sentences on family members and bridal party, and add comments. I interview parents for insights, stories, and to ask what they want said.
Second draft. I circulate a four to six pager set to “anyone can comment” to parents and bridal party to solicit feedback. I ask the couple to suggest an attendee who is a good editor, humorist, or skilled writer I can work with. I integrate comments and create a cohesive tone for the finalized five to seven page crowd-sourced script.
Legal work. I am a minister of the Universal Life Church, a certification that generally works to sign the marriage certificate. In some cases an additional form, declaration, or license is necessary. Check state and county laws.
Day of. I wear a black suit, black tie, black shoes, and white shirt. I ask the planner for requests and instructions. I solidify the exchange with the ring keeper. I give a backup of the speech to a trusted individual. I number pages. I am usually first in and last off in the procession.
Ceremony. I generally ask people to stand for the bride. I go for a slow, calm, and understated delivery in 15 - 17 minutes. I tuck in asides, wink and nods, and inside jokes. I stand aside when the couple kisses for their picture. I conclude with an invitation to cocktails.